i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
