I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
