brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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