So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
