Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
