this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
