we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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