Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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