Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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