I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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