Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
