so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
