Heybabeimwearingurpanties
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
