dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart