Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my being single is dangerous.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans