It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen