My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?