she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.