R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...