I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
