I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
