this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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