Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
