He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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