our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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