All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
