Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
