Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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