Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
