omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
