ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
