Only a mothe r could love this liver
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Your cock deserves a montage
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
