So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
