So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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