You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Someone came in the potted fern
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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