It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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