I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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