she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
