this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
