I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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