Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
