Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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