Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
