Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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