So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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