okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
