you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
