I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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