Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
