By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
