people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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