i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
