2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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