After last night, I could never be a politician.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
