ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't like sucking hair
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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