I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
