you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
