You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
