I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize