What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
