I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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