Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
