Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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