cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
