Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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