What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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