I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
