I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
