why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that