well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together