There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There's always time for handjobs
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT