smell my finger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
