So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.