Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
it's like iHOP with fire
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads