His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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